Almost everyone in my circle has taken the enneagram test and knows what number/personality type they most connect with. I've taken it a few times and both showed that I was most closely matched up with a type 2--the helper.
Type twos are pretty common; it's nice to know that there are a lot of helpful, altruistic people out in the world. I find it fascinating that even among one of the most prolific enneagram types that there is still plenty of variety between individuals. Twos are often known for their acts of service, but many type twos--including myself--like to offer help by giving gifts, or advice to friends.
As a type two, helping someone feels good. It feels so satisfying to see someone happier, stabler, or more enlightened by your words and actions. But sometimes our "help" isn't exactly what people need, and we can be unintentionally harming people with our desire to fix things for them.
If you are a type two, you may have come across a situation where your help was not received well--or where it backfired on you in an unexpected way. I know I have gotten into situations where it would have been better if I had just stayed out of them in the first place. If you struggle with knowing when and how to help, here are some things to look out for:
1.) Being too quick to help
Type twos are some of the first to jump into action when they hear someone needs help. Whether a friend, family member, or complete stranger needs something, twos are right there to fulfill the need. But what is often a strength of this enneagram type, can also be a hindrance. Sometimes we can jump into situations where people don't want help or unintentionally make people feel inadequate because we where too quick to fix their issue for them. Sometimes people need to figure stuff out on their own, and this truth can be SO hard for type twos to understand or allow to happen. Helping too quick--especially other people's in private family matters--can lead to some tangled messes that would have been best if you weren't involved in.
Solution: Take time before jumping in to help to reflect on the situation and ask yourself what this person really needs. Ask yourself: Is this a situation I should get involved in? And HOW involved should I be? Is this an issue that this other person needs to work through themselves? Will 'helping' involve me in some unnecessary drama or conflicts that I'd best steer clear of?
2.) Forgetting to listen
If you are an advice giver like I am, there may be moments in your conversation where you realize that you are waiting for the person you are speaking with to get done talking so that you can share what you have to say. Boyfriends and husbands often get a bad rep for trying to "fix" the problems their women have rather than just listen--but type twos can struggle with this as well. We don't like to see people suffering; and we feel that if only we could help them we could get rid of their suffering. My husband is a type 4--The Romantic/Creative, and we have many late-night conversations where he just needs to get out his many thoughts. I have had to learn that anything I could say to "fix" things for him at that time when he needs to just vent doesn't really help the situation. Sometimes people try to offer advice to the hurting and it ends up feeling insensitive and shallow. As helpers, sometimes the the only thing we can and should do is listen to people.
Solution: If you catch yourself being quick to offer what you think is helpful before really listening, ask yourself these questions: What does this person really need at this moment--to be fixed or to be heard? Is this advice I want to give to this person something they probably already know or have researched? Am I treating this person like a 'project' I have to fix? What are my motivations for sharing this advice with this person? What is this person trying to tell me about themselves?
3.) Taking on too much
Type twos are notorious for overloading themselves with projects and things that they want to help with. Sometimes we struggle to say no, because deep down we WANT to be needed. Type twos tend to struggle with pride--the pride that we are invaluable to others. We revel in comments about how appreciated we and our work are to others. We love to hear "What would I do without you?"
Sometimes this pride we place in our works can cause us to push our altruistic selves to the limits and beyond because we fear that if we don't help out, people will stop loving us and needing us. We put so much weight in helping others that sometimes we neglect our own needs or get burnt out after pushing so hard to please everyone. The other hard thing can be when we are neglecting other things--like spending time with our own families--because we are helping outside too much. It can be a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes type twos need to realize that we are not limitless. We have needs just like everyone else, and we can't fix everyone and everything.
Solution: Before helping with a new project ask yourself: Do I really need to get involved in this project or am I just wanting to be appreciated? Am I saying yes to this person because I fear rejection if I say no? How much time/effort will I be giving to this if I take this on? How will this affect my family if I take on another project? What do I need right now?
In each of these situations, one of the best things we can do is ask permission of the other person to help. Twos love to just jump in, but we may need to assess the situation a little more before we just volunteer. Helper can be such a blessing, but we need to be sure we are actually helping in the best way we can be.
-RNM
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